“We don’t do tiki‑taka. We do tea, biscuits and total carnage.”

WELLINGTON A — THE LADS TAKE ANOTHER PASTING

Look, we love ’em. We really do. But Wellington A are having a season that makes the 1980s England back four look organised.

Three games. Three defeats. One rink win. An aggregate that looks like they’ve been chased out of Minehead by a pensioners’ ultras group.

North Petherton A rocked up this week thinking they’d get a quiet evening. Instead they left with 11 points and the smug grin of a bloke who’s just found a fiver in his coat pocket. Wellington A? They’re still looking for the bus home.

But listen — every team has its dark days. The A team are just… collecting theirs early.

WELLINGTON B — THE PRIDE OF THE CLUB

Now THIS is where the noise is coming from.

Wellington B are strutting around Division Two like they’ve just won the meat raffle three weeks running. Three wins. Seven rinks. A shot difference that says “we don’t just win — we redecorate the place.”

Victoria Park A turned up thinking they were in for a nice evening out. Wellington B sent them home looking like they’d just been told their favourite pub is turning into a vegan café.

The Bs are the kind of team that walk into the clubhouse and the jukebox changes song out of respect.

WELLINGTON C — THE CHAOS MERCHANTS

Wellington C are the wildcard — the team that turns up with 9 lads and lasses, three dogs and a bloke who’s definitely not on the team sheet.

One win, two losses, but a positive aggregate. They’re the only team in the league who can lose a match and still look like they’ve won the after‑party.

Burnham B gave them a slap this week, but the Cs still walked off like: “Yeah alright, but did you SEE that one end we won?”

They’re mid‑table, they’re unpredictable, and they’re absolutely box office.

THE WELLINGTON VERDICT

• A Team: Needs a miracle, a new formation, or possibly a séance.
• B Team: The pride of the club. The firm. The noise. The swagger.
• C Team: Beautiful chaos. The cult heroes. The terrace favourites.